Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
