I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
