Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
