I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
