I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.