So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
