Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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