Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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