is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
