That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
