No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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