i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
