I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
