I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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