My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
do nipples grow back?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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