you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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