Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
