My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
