i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
