you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I sprained my soul last night
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
