You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
