I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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