Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
