In America we eat man semen.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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