i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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