theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You took a bar mat shot.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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