Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
