You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
