dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
