Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
