one might say we're banned from that church
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
