How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
