we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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