Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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