I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
