What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
