dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
