New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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