I hate your face
another moral hangover. fuck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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