Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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