i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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