I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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