I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize