Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this beer tastes like vomit already
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
