He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill