I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.