You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.