Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(336): View more from North Carolina

life is too short to starve

(678): View more from Georgia

life is also too short to be fat

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(505): View more from New Mexico

We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.

(505): View more from New Mexico

The Rock won.

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(646): View more from New York

So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

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(636): View more from Missouri

I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.

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(678): View more from Georgia

If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.

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