Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
