Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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