During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
