If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
