I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
