how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
