just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
