kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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