stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
