whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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