The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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