See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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