i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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