hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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