Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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