She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
