can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
