when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
