i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
