They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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