So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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