i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Randomize
