He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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